Voices

Recent events have me pondering a lot of things both past and present when it comes to life especially my own.  Looking at various events in their perspective I can truly understand why some people feel alone even when they are surrounded by others.

I've  learned that some may say they love you but are not really in love with you. I've learned that when some get everything they want from you and you have nothing more to give you become useless and easily get discarded. I've learned that some say they understand but they really don't or want to. I've learnt that as long as you are doing what you are expected to and supposed to do it your up thoughts and feelings does not matter.

I've learnt that if you can't keep up with others ideal of what you should do or how you should act, you won't be able to be a part of their clique. I've learnt that no matter what you just won't be able to bring out the same feelings, happiness and joy in some people. I've learnt that you may be intelligent, hard working and the best, but that won't be enough for some.

I've learnt that if you sit long enough and observe some people actions and behaviour when you are around them, you can tell whether they really want to be around you or you are in their way but because they don't want to hurt your feelings they won't tell you anything.

I've learnt to speak less especially when my feelings and thoughts are being ignored but others are given free pass any time of the night and day to air theirs.  I've learnt how to move away and give others their space when my presence cause conversations to turn to whispers and others to walk away when I'm about so they can have privacy because I'm not supposed to hear or j ow what's happening.

I've learnt how to hold back my tears when all I want to do is cry. How to calm my emotions when I want to just scream. I've learnt how to smile through my pain and act like nothing has happened. I've learnt how to sing through it all while hurting inside.

Being strong is hard work, but for my own sake and sanity I had to learn how to be strong and hold on when all I want to really do is give up, let go and say to hell with love and life.

#SilentHearer